What if…
What if your earliest recollection of hazy memories somehow foretold your future destiny, your life’s purpose, your particular and exclusive dharma? What if your life was just a matter of trying to clear up those fogged up experiences in such a way as to be able to see and say, “Ah ha, this is what I should be doing with my life!” Would the kid who recalls peeing on the floor and remembers his shiny red fire truck actually grow up to be a fireman? Or perhaps he grows up to be an insurance salesman with prostrate problems. Perhaps the little girl who remembers setting out her stuffed animals for tea parties grows up to be a super successful wedding planner to the stars or maybe she becomes a housewife that has reached her limit of having to take care of everything around the house. Who knows? But what if…
In my first memory as in the one that I rewind the past to the farthest possible point without stretching reality past the breaking point, my parents are telling me that, maybe, if possible, it would be better if I didn’t… you know… play with myself… so much.
Come to think of it; I even remember the first inspiration of that sort of, well ultimately definitely now that I look back on it all, self fulfilling prophecy. A line of chorus girls, sort of like the Radio City Rockettes, only they are all topless and with bountiful and heaving milky white breasts stands shoulder to shoulder. They aren’t doing anything overtly sexual. They are just standing there. Smiling. Naked, yes, but not actually exactly erotic. At five I had not a clue of those things yet and if someone had told me then that babies came from bean sprouts watered with fruit punch then I am sure I would’ve bought it hook, line, and sucker.
I do remember thinking at the time though, “What?” And that was knotted up in an embarrassed confusion with “Why?” And I am sure that I felt somewhere somehow even in an undefined way that is normal for one’s first rebellion against authority no matter how un-repressive, “No way, why should I stop doing something that feels so good.”
Little did I know though that this was my first little baby step to becoming the full blown porn purveyor that I am today.
Tags: homegrown video, tim lake