1. Make sure you underwear is clean. Nothing spoils the mood like pulling off the shorts or panties and seeing a great big butt shmear across the crotch crease.

2. Don’t ask for “sloppy seconds” unless you have cleaned up and eaten everything off of your first helping.

3. The sacrifice of sleeping on the extra wet wet spot must be considered an honor and a privilege otherwise you risk getting cut off from it ever happening again.

4. Do unto others as you would have others do unto you, unless of course there is only enough lube for one person to take it up the butt in which case a coin toss can easily resolve matters.

5. Make sure to be loud enough so that your neighbor’s neighbors can hear everything and look at you with a strange mix of horror, fascination, curiousity, and desire the next day.

6. Any trips to the bathroom should also be an opportunity to quickly freshen up, make sure to brush the teeth and floss out any embarrassing pubic hairs embedded between tooth and gum.

7. Be fair and balanced in dispersing your charms otherwise face a court of inquiry the next day about “who do you really like, me, or her, or him… or it…”

8. Occassionally come up for air, look around, and make sure that the dog hasn’t climbed into the action…

9. Keep your freakiest sides hidden until there is complete trust and willingness to share all around; no one really likes to know that you like a feather duster stuck up your ass with a rubber glove on your head, while you cockle doodle doo away on a first time three-way.

10. Always ask for what you want graciously and give what others need generously and never ever take it for granted that your fantasy is becoming reality unless you want your fantasy to become your nightmare.

I now realize there is no better way to start off the week just right than by ending the previous week with something that might put a smile on your face for years to come. Last night I dropped my girlfriend Lani off at a club so she could go dancing. I wasn’t in the mood to party on a Sunday night, too much to do come Monday and all that jive, so I dropped her off and came home. I sat down to play a bit of Xbox (Lost Planet which at this point is making me nuts but is still kind of fun) but since I wasn’t able to get through the level in the time I’d allotted for play I switched over to watch a bit of tube. Well, that led directly to passing out until Lani came flying through the door.

“Baby, baby, wake up baby, I am going to give you a threesome.” She said.

Now I hate to admit this, but I figured she was just teasing me… again. So I wasn’t going to take the bait. At this point I felt like Charlie Brown when Lucy always pulls the football away at the last second and I wasn’t going to fall for it again.

“No, I am tired. I am going to bed.” So I proceeded upstairs. A minute later, Lani was coming in and she had her friend, a hot blond who is lead singer in a band, by the hand. Now I was awake but I pretended that I wanted to sleep. “Do whatever you want,” I said, “but I am going to sleep.”

“No,” Lani cooed, “don’t sleep – watch this!” She pulled our friend, who I am just going to call “Singer” because she is not a porn person with a slick fake porn name and so unfortunately I can’t show her picture but trust me I was one happy dude. Lani and Singer started making out and tearing each other’s clothes off. Lani would stop kissing Singer everynow and then so the two of them could talk all kinds of smutty and delicicious smack with each other. Like, “I want to watch you suck my Man’s cock” and “Let me eat your pussy you sexy bitch” that kind of stuff; things that woke my cock up and begging to jump into the tangle of tongues…

(to be continued)