Posts Tagged ‘pussy’

Homegrown Video’s top ten exercises to prepare for vigorous sexual intercourse

Thursday, January 26th, 2012

 

1. Tongue push ups. This is great for improving endurance and stamina during excessively long blow jobs, the kind of dick sucking marathon that really says “I love you” or “This must be steak and blowjob day”. Recline in such a way that you are able to balance a frozen banana on the tip of your tongue while humming “row your boat”. Hold the position for 10 minutes total with 15 seconds rest each minute making sure to massage your jaw during rest cycles

2. Anal Pilates. Lubricate your asshole generously then sit on a bottle of coca cola until you feel the stretch. Clench for thirty seconds while holding your breath then expel your breath from the diaphragm. Be careful not to inhale abruptly which may result in having to explain to ER why you have a coke bottle up your ass.

3. Ball Busters. Heavy duty hardcore fucking requires great stamina, concentration, and a measure of gonad patience to prevent prematurely busting a nut. Watch one hour of Homegrown Video amateur porn and masturbate but stop every time you approach orgasm until your balls are blue. Make sure to take at least two days of rest after each ball busting work out or risk serious injury. Consult with a doctor to make sure you are fit enough for this exercise.

4. Dick sprints. Some people have the opposite condition from Premature Ejaculation, namely, they cannot cum even after prolonged fucking and sucking. This can result in partners becoming possibly bored and potentially frustrated which is not conducive to mutual pleasure. For this we recommend dick sprints. Masturbate to Homegrown Video amateur homemade sex videos only start them five seconds before the cumshot and finish jerking off at the same time as the video sex scene.

5. Breaststroke. Not the swimming stroke but actually stroking the breasts. This is best performed with a partner to assist. No. Seriously. I mean it. He gets… I mean You Get a lot more out of it in the long run.

6. Cumshot shooter practice. This is a great exercise for developing your aim and is very meditative and good for your hardcore sexual encounters that result in facial cumshots. Many times, you absolutely do not want to come in your partners eye especially if you have repeatedly promised not to. Getting good aim when you are wildly busting your nut on someone’s face involves an inner concentration and zen-like state to transcend the “I don’t care where I spurt” lack of concern that sometimes prevails in weaker willed individuals.

7. Pussy Shadow Boxing. Using a dildo, penetrate your cunt and quickly punch, jab, and poke at your pussy while rolling your hips to dodge, lunge, and shift your position favorably, make sure to massage your clit if necessary to fight off fatigue.

8. Cock pull ups. Firmly grab your dick and pull up and push down on it until you ejaculate. Be careful to apply lubrication in order to avoid painful callouses.

9. Jumping Jack-offs. Jump up and down while masturbating to get a nice aerobic exercise that will also work out your sex organs.

10. Homegrown Video Marathon. Make a Homegrown Video amateur sex video and record at least four straight hours of sexual activity.

Homegrown Video haiku for eating pussy

Wednesday, January 5th, 2011

you betta learns how
or boy, you is no better
den’ some soggy bread

Pussy junkie, eating pussy leads to lifetime addiction

Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008

pussy eating outside by the pool

Just one sweet taste of her pussy, you have to have more, honey dew drops tickling dripping on your tongue and exciting you beyond reason, beyond faith. You love eating her pussy. Filling your head with soft smoky thoughts and making your cock hard with conviction so even now, a million miles away from any muff dive where two bits still buys a cup of Josephine, whose cunt Napoleon would eat for hours on end, you can still savor her. In the scent of warm Caribbean ocean breeze whisked past with wisps of coconut, mango, and papaya, her flavors come to you in colors, pink hues laced with vermillion fused with rich tangerine, her pussy is citrus juiced and dripping like nectar from an exotic island flower, into an elixir which relieves stress for hours and brings a smile to your wet face glazed with her cunt. Which brings a smile to her face and that glow, her rosy cheeks blushing, flushed with orgasm and loving the fact that her guy loves to eat her pussy, like a kitty cat loves to lick cream, like a poodle dog lives to lap Parisian cunt, she knows you can’t live without it. So she makes you beg for another taste. Another taste. One more sweet taste.

Go on, admit it. Tell everyone here today why you are here. We understand. Admit it. You are addicted to eating pussy.  

We understand.

Hot blond Rocker Chick Threesome with Lani Brooke, cont.

Tuesday, July 22nd, 2008

I watched the girls go at it for a few minutes, enjoying every second as they managed to pull off the rest of each others clothes. Singer couldn’t stop saying “I love your fucking tits” and “your pussy tastes so good” and instead of clapping my appreciation for the show I started fwapping my gratitude. Lani grabbed my cock and helped with a few tugs before she commanded Singer to put her sweet wet mouth on it, begging, encouraging, commanding her to “Suck my man’s dick while I watch”. Singer happily obliged and used her hand to jerk me off while she played with her tongue over and over the head of my dick. It was pure pleasure and my fun more than doubled when Lani came down to share.

At this point, I seriously wanted to fuck that hot blond, yes blond down there too, pussy so I made Lani straddle her face while I started fucking Singer. Her pussy was tight but really wet and my cock felt glorious as I took a turn on her, then pulled Lani back so I could enjoy fucking her too and make sure that I gave her all the attention she deserved.

I learned long ago that a successful threesome is mostly based on making your partner happiest. If you get too caught up in paying attention to the outsider then almost invariably the whole thing is going to go down in flames and no one is going to go to bed satisfied. So nothing was more important than letting Lani know that she had made her beau feel like a million bucks that he was going to charitably give completely and utterly back to her.

(to be cont.)