Think about the cultural ramming-her-fications of such a space. For once and for all, the wild and wooly, down and dirty, hot and heavy social importance of the porn industry would be firmly and resolutely established. Forever more, the wankers and the spankers would have a place that exalted the objects of their desire in a way that did justice to all their perverse pleasures in a safe, clean, and well stocked with tissues environment.

Almost forgot. There needs to be a wing devoted to biblical sex where all the great begetting and loin springing tales can be brought to life with startling realism and exacting attention to detail. All that Sodom and Gomorrah and Samson and Delia and even that New Testament foot fetish stuff would have to be included. That way tickets could even be sold to the groups of bible thumping protesters that would otherwise be milling about outside could be brought in and charged admission. Everyone knows they are the kinkiest freaks too though so special care would need to be given to making sure that they didn’t freak out the rest of the patrons. Perhaps special flogging utensils need to be provided for the severely penitent and unworthy.

Which also reminds me that the cafeteria better have a catchy name, like “Snatch Bar”.

Then, naturally, there would be that hallowed hall of all the past inductees to the Porn Hall of Fame and here you would find life size fully articulated, infinitely flexible lifelike latex version of the studs and sluts being recognized for all eternity on the basis of their sexual prowess. Museum visitors would not only be able to pose for photos with the star or starlet of their choice but they would also, for a nominal fee, be able to actually experience brief but reasonably satisfying copulations as well. After that, if the patron happened to be a smoker desiring a post coital cig then they would be able to enjoy the smoking fetish lounge where gorgeous staff dressed seductively would blow smoke in their faces through pursed lips shiny with rouge lip gloss before handing them the lit cigarette.

Without a doubt, I would have to be consulted on the porn archeology wing where the ongoing research into the permutations of amateur porn would be carried out with rigorous scientific standards. As amateur porn evolved into forms like “pro-am” and “reality” and “gonzo” and continues to adapt and change, there would be an opportunity for visitors to see adult entertainment historians, amateur porn producers, and actual distributors in collaboration and in literally a “hands on” environment museum attendees would be able to assist in the process. Of course, lubrication would be provided…