I have been in the porn biz for years but truthfully I am much more conservative than one would imagine somebody in my industry to be. I can’t help it. I was raised on the East Coast where the white collared stiffs with starchy values golf clubbed country club social mores into kids from the time they were too young to know even know what a beemer was. Don’t talk about money. Do not discuss religion, politics, or your problems, and definitely never ever never talk about sex. Those were things best left in private.

Now admittedly, I ran to the west coast seeking freedom and the chance to see more Dead concerts and inevitably I did loosen up a bit to the point where I got into porn… umm… I guess you can say I loosened up quite a bit but not entirely. There are still some things that bring out that old colonial puritanical crap in me. Walking behind Lani when we went to the mall the other day and watching in shock and awe and a tiny bit of horror as she dropped her pants and mooned me in the parking lot would certainly be proof of that. I didn’t know what to do. She just kept walking with her ass going boom, boom, boom like a tight drum pounding out a hypnotic rhythm that would cause the whole parking lot to fall in step behind her and march.

Somewhere between hypnotized, mesmerized, and intoxicated I walked behind and tried to stammer out some sort of protest. What if people saw us? (lol, see what I mean? Notice how I say “us” like I am worried about what people will think of my naked ass… ) I couldn’t say much. All that came out was something that sounded like “Babee, babe, babee, ba, b,b,b” !

Luckily she pulled them up in time before I had to worry about if we gave the old lady behind us a heart attack. Things were back to good old status quo. Everyone in his place and doing what he or she should be doing.

 Suddenly I had an appetite for sushi.

So I jumped through the door like a madman after taking the dog for a walk today, and I was something this side of nuts to get a bj – you know those kind of days, where if you don’t get a blowjob someone is going to have to pay for your moodiness for the rest of the day…

“Baby!” I yelled. “Baby!” I said again just in case she didn’t hear me well enough the first time. “What?” Lani replied taking just enough time to glance up from her laptop screen to acknowledge my presence.

“Time to suck the cock!”

She had barely enough time to make about three excuses why I should wait before I had ripped off my clothes (leaving my socks on like a real porn star of course). “I’m working”, forget that, “I haven’t had a shower”, who cares, and “Don’t you have to get to work?” This is my job, remember? She tried them all but I wasn’t having any of it.

Lani was about to come up with another excuse when I popped my cock in her mouth like a cork in a bottle. The next time that thing was coming out was when it was time to pour the champagne if you know what I mean. I began fucking her mouth and everything in the world took on a rosy happy glow and all my troubles seemed to fade away – never underestimate the power of a good blowjob.

Then Lani started tapping my dick with her fingers and when she started humming I knew then and there her orchestral leanings. She was playing my “skin flute”. What an Ode to Joy!

1. Make sure you underwear is clean. Nothing spoils the mood like pulling off the shorts or panties and seeing a great big butt shmear across the crotch crease.

2. Don’t ask for “sloppy seconds” unless you have cleaned up and eaten everything off of your first helping.

3. The sacrifice of sleeping on the extra wet wet spot must be considered an honor and a privilege otherwise you risk getting cut off from it ever happening again.

4. Do unto others as you would have others do unto you, unless of course there is only enough lube for one person to take it up the butt in which case a coin toss can easily resolve matters.

5. Make sure to be loud enough so that your neighbor’s neighbors can hear everything and look at you with a strange mix of horror, fascination, curiousity, and desire the next day.

6. Any trips to the bathroom should also be an opportunity to quickly freshen up, make sure to brush the teeth and floss out any embarrassing pubic hairs embedded between tooth and gum.

7. Be fair and balanced in dispersing your charms otherwise face a court of inquiry the next day about “who do you really like, me, or her, or him… or it…”

8. Occassionally come up for air, look around, and make sure that the dog hasn’t climbed into the action…

9. Keep your freakiest sides hidden until there is complete trust and willingness to share all around; no one really likes to know that you like a feather duster stuck up your ass with a rubber glove on your head, while you cockle doodle doo away on a first time three-way.

10. Always ask for what you want graciously and give what others need generously and never ever take it for granted that your fantasy is becoming reality unless you want your fantasy to become your nightmare.

I watched the girls go at it for a few minutes, enjoying every second as they managed to pull off the rest of each others clothes. Singer couldn’t stop saying “I love your fucking tits” and “your pussy tastes so good” and instead of clapping my appreciation for the show I started fwapping my gratitude. Lani grabbed my cock and helped with a few tugs before she commanded Singer to put her sweet wet mouth on it, begging, encouraging, commanding her to “Suck my man’s dick while I watch”. Singer happily obliged and used her hand to jerk me off while she played with her tongue over and over the head of my dick. It was pure pleasure and my fun more than doubled when Lani came down to share.

At this point, I seriously wanted to fuck that hot blond, yes blond down there too, pussy so I made Lani straddle her face while I started fucking Singer. Her pussy was tight but really wet and my cock felt glorious as I took a turn on her, then pulled Lani back so I could enjoy fucking her too and make sure that I gave her all the attention she deserved.

I learned long ago that a successful threesome is mostly based on making your partner happiest. If you get too caught up in paying attention to the outsider then almost invariably the whole thing is going to go down in flames and no one is going to go to bed satisfied. So nothing was more important than letting Lani know that she had made her beau feel like a million bucks that he was going to charitably give completely and utterly back to her.

(to be cont.)

I now realize there is no better way to start off the week just right than by ending the previous week with something that might put a smile on your face for years to come. Last night I dropped my girlfriend Lani off at a club so she could go dancing. I wasn’t in the mood to party on a Sunday night, too much to do come Monday and all that jive, so I dropped her off and came home. I sat down to play a bit of Xbox (Lost Planet which at this point is making me nuts but is still kind of fun) but since I wasn’t able to get through the level in the time I’d allotted for play I switched over to watch a bit of tube. Well, that led directly to passing out until Lani came flying through the door.

“Baby, baby, wake up baby, I am going to give you a threesome.” She said.

Now I hate to admit this, but I figured she was just teasing me… again. So I wasn’t going to take the bait. At this point I felt like Charlie Brown when Lucy always pulls the football away at the last second and I wasn’t going to fall for it again.

“No, I am tired. I am going to bed.” So I proceeded upstairs. A minute later, Lani was coming in and she had her friend, a hot blond who is lead singer in a band, by the hand. Now I was awake but I pretended that I wanted to sleep. “Do whatever you want,” I said, “but I am going to sleep.”

“No,” Lani cooed, “don’t sleep – watch this!” She pulled our friend, who I am just going to call “Singer” because she is not a porn person with a slick fake porn name and so unfortunately I can’t show her picture but trust me I was one happy dude. Lani and Singer started making out and tearing each other’s clothes off. Lani would stop kissing Singer everynow and then so the two of them could talk all kinds of smutty and delicicious smack with each other. Like, “I want to watch you suck my Man’s cock” and “Let me eat your pussy you sexy bitch” that kind of stuff; things that woke my cock up and begging to jump into the tangle of tongues…

(to be continued)