Posts Tagged ‘homegrown video’

Homegrown Video Definition: “flying anal”

Tuesday, January 10th, 2012

The phrase “flying anal” refers to an award nominated sex scene in the Homegrown Video release “Sex For Life”. In the scene, Tim Lake performs an anal sex scene with starlet Jeanna Fine. Flying Anal refers to a point in the action when it appears that Lake is actually levitating and hovering above Ms. Fine’s ass connected only by his erect penis as it penetrates her butt hole enthusiastically.

Not many are willing to attempt such a physically demanding and acrobatically challenging sexual feat, which is described in the Kama Sutra as the “Crane hoisting the Elephant by the Tail Hair of the Ass” position and is recommended only for Yogi’s with supreme mastery of their physical being and an intense focus of their lifeforce energies. Several notable erotic artistes have attempted the Flying Anal but most have failed, sometimes in tragic circumstances. It is rumored that Houdini actually died from attempting the position with a notorious Parisian prostitute named Janelle D’Longpret but that the incident was concealed to preserve his dignity and direct the attentions of detectives away from the matter before it scandalized society.

Caution is advised for anyone trying to attempt the feat without proper training, diet, and the will to do perilous things for orgasmic fulfillment and satisfaction.

 

Homegrown Video up for AVN Awards!

Friday, January 6th, 2012

Ahhh... the great outdoors just got greater

 

Homegrown is lucky to once again be honored with several titles and series nominated for porn‘s equivalent of an Oscar… but in this case more like an Oscar Meier Wiener since it is a celebration of the phallic slick as liquid sex lube porn industry. The beauty of the AVN celebration is that it is so tongue in cheek… ass cheek that is. Anyone that can appreciate the humor and irony in an award for “best anal sex scene” or “best non-sex performance in an all sex movie” would get a kick out of it. In the good old days more than a few of the attendees sitting at their dinner tables were getting blowjobs or having their pussies licked while award after award, you have never seen an awards show with more award categories, after award was called out and accepted by starlets and studs that were three cum stained bed sheets to the wind already and slurring their way through thank you’s and fuck you’s (you have never seen a more honest, direct, and uncensored acceptance speech). Ahh, the good ol’ fucking days!

Now everyone is so big business and corporate and stuffy with the puffed up notion that the industry is so firmly part of mainstream entertainment that it has lost some of that old school anarchy and liberation that it used to conjure. On the night when I was receiving my Hall of Fame award I sat next to a starlet that tipped her nose at me for a comment I made about the humor of it all, the seriousness of its un-seriousness, the idea that we could give awards away for hottest milf sex scene or best gang bang performance etc. Whatever happened to the good ol’ days? You know, that time when people still had sex for fun and making porn was a way of saying “hedonism can work for you too!”

 

Homegrown Video’s Night before XXXmas

Tuesday, January 3rd, 2012

Twas the night before triple XXXmas, when all through the house
No lingerie was rustling, not even a blouse.
The fishnets stockings were hung clipped to the garter with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.

The xhammies were horny all hot in their beds,
While visions of some fucking danced in their heads.
And Tim in his banana hammock, and I in my panties,
Had just screwed our lights out for all you xhammies.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flashed my muffin,
Tore open the shutters and made ready for stuffin’.

The moon on my breasts so perky you know
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a four poster bed, and eight hammies so dear.

With a horny old porn star, so quick with his dick,
I knew in a moment it must be St Nick.
More sexy than debutantes his amateurs they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

“Now Dasha! now, Sasha! now, Lancer and Vixen!
On, Connie! On, Cupid! on, on Donnie and Blitzen!
To the top of the couch! to the end of the bed by the wall!
Now fuck away! Screw away! Ball away all!”

As wet pussies dripping make you want to pull down your fly,
When you meet a hottie with a smile so sly.
So into an orgy all of them flew,
With the bed of  sex toys, and Sexy Nicholas too.

And then, having an orgasm, I heard on the roof
The dancing and pawing and sounds of ahhh and oooof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down Lani’s chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed like a furry, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all styled with rubber, including his boot.
A bundle of dildos he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a sex freak, just opening his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dick how cherry!
His balls were like potatoes, his cock kind of scary!
as it twitched and was drawn up like a bow,
And the ball hair of his sack was as white as the snow.

The stump of a hash pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
that shook when he coughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right horny old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon let me know he wanted in bed

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all Lani’s hot holes, then stroked with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of her anus,
this guy was totally shameless!

He sprang up after he’d been laid, to his friends gave a whistle,
And away they all blew out like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Triple XXXmas to all, and to all a good-night!”

 

 

Ten Celebrity Amateur Porn Videos to ask Santa for…

Wednesday, December 21st, 2011

 

Sienna is what you want for XXXmas

 

At Homegrown Video, in the spirit of the holiday season, here are ten celebrity sex tapes that we would ask Santa to set up and capture on video and make sure they are really nice and naughty…

1. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie… and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, but only the ones that are over 18 and eligible to participate by age in an amateur sex video because that would just be one helluva good gang bang with a cumshot chorus.

2. Kim Kardashian’s mom, because she is pretty much hotter than any of the daughters and obviously loves the process of what it takes to start making a baby… but only for anal because we don’t need any more of those frigging kids running around making bad reality tv.

3.  Michelle Bachman and Sarah Palin in their very first lesbian porn tryst because it is time to give piece of ass a chance and see what all that same sex fuss is really all about.

4. The Green Bay Packers vs the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders; despite the single loss so far this season, the Packers would have a chance to prove why they are called the “packers” and really field some plays in the Dallas Cheerleader end zones. Hot stuff. Make sure the Gatorade cooler is full of lube…

5. Tom Cruise in a “See, I am not really gay” homemade sex tape with his wife… what was her name again? I asked him and he didn’t remember either.

6. Bill Clinton in a “to all the girls I have ever fucked” special tribute sex tape with all of his former lovers and with Hillary giving him a nice sloppy bj at the end to remind him why they stayed together all these years.

7. Lindsey Lohan and Megan Fox wearing strap on dildos and fucking director Micheal Bay in the ass in tandem while they tell him everything they hate about big loud stupid manipulative repetitive Hollywood drivel paint by numbers action films.

8. Betty White proving once and for all that age and experience and a very high sex drive really do keep you looking young, well… not necessarily young, but hot enough to keep the casting couch warm enough to stay employed in a town as tough as Tinseltown.

9. Linda Carter, former “wonder woman” star and famous model with really awesome huge natural tits doing a GGW style tape – even though she may be old enough now to be your grandma she still looks better than most skanky ho bags a third her age.

10. Homegrown Video getting a video sent in by a masked couple that actually turns out to be… Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell! (They wore masks because they didn’t want anyone to judge them…)

Top Five Reasons God Invented Masturbation

Tuesday, November 1st, 2011

Supplication...

Ok, holding to the notion that everything is derived from the creative act of God’s infinite wisdom and ability to think of amazing things, then masturbation  must certainly fall under that aegis. Indeed, one could even postulate that creation by one that has no equal therefore none that can help…ahem… umm… handle business… amen… is sort of an act of masturbation insofar as it is a singular activity that serves no greater purpose than momentary inspiration and satisfaction of an finite job well done in an infinite universe. So, if that is true then jerking off is perhaps a form of prayer – a reflection of the true nature of the all knowing and omnipotent power of a higher power, one capable of merging dreams and molding fantasies into solid reality that one can see, touch, smell, hear and become one with.

Without further ado… the ten reasons God invented masturbation:

  1. God created masturbation so that everyone had something to do with their hands once the praying was done and Sunday football finished for the evening and the remote no longer necessary.
  2. Masturbation is the Lord’s way of saying that you can give yourself a hand for a job well done.
  3. Orgasms mimic the pulsating, rippling waves of energy that bring light to darkness to transform the universe with the power of feelgood vibes.
  4. God pretty much ordered folks to beat off when he sent Jesus along with the “love thine self” directive.
  5. Because God made Homegrown Video the instrument of amateur porn and thus inspired millions to enjoy a little time on hand.

 

The Homegrown X factor in amateur porn

Thursday, October 27th, 2011

Homegrown Video has always had an X factor that helps it stand apart. Sure, on the surface, when you give amateur porn a first glance, they might look the same –  suck suck, fuck fuck. But, on closer inspection… you will notice a special and significant difference that sets one apart from the other, as separate and distinctly different as dick is to a pussy.

The smile.

You get the feeling watching a Homegrown Video that the people actually want to be there and actually are having fun. I can’t tell you how often I have looked at the glut of so-called amateur porn that just looks like the folks involved are absolutely miserable and would rather be anywhere else.

Anywhere.

Washing bedpans full of the final evacuations of dead people at a retirement home looks like it would be more appealing. At Homegrown, that just will not abide! Henceforth, we dedicate ourselves to putting the fun back in amateur porn!

Pioneers of Amateur Porn

Tuesday, October 18th, 2011

 

In 1982, Homegrown Video became the first company to distribute homemade sex videos and changed the entire landscape of adult videos forever. Before Youtube made everyone a producer, director, and star of their own movies just as Steven Spielberg once predicted the access to video cameras would change the world of movie-making, Homegrown Video put the power of being a porn star in the hands, and private parts, of the masses. The effort was grassroots, and like grass, when it caught fire it spread quickly to change the entire face of porn. Even professional high glamour companies, from Playboy to Vivid et. al., began to offer amateur stylized productions.

Homegrown paved the way for “gonzo” and “reality” porn, offspring of amateur porn. It laid the foundation for celebrity sex tapes, from Tanya Harding through Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton. Homegrown Video made making a homemade sex video fun and more importantly – normal – and even sort of acceptable in a mischievously naughty sort of way. If your next door neighbor might be doing it, then people didn’t have to feel so weird about themselves enjoying this form of entertainment. In this way, Homegrown Video helped bring porn out of the shadows in San Fernando valley, and into the bright light of mainstream consciousness.

Homegrown Video did not stop shaping the landscape there either and continued to innovate by digging down into what customers really wanted, then building mountains of content to satisfy them specifically. Focusing on niche themed fare in the days before the internet became a what it is today, Homegrown launched series like “CreamPie Club” and “Natural Bush” that addressed exactly what customers were looking for in their porn and catered to niches that had previously been completely neglected. As one fan once wrote, “Now I don’t have to keep watching movies shot in 1970 if I want to see hairy pussies”.

Just as Apple’s i-Tunes changed the way people listen to music, Homegrown Video changed the way people look at porn. Not only that, it changed the way people look in porn. Eric Schlosser, the author of “Fast Food Nation”, says in his book “Reefer Madness” that “Made by the people, for the people, Homegrown Video represents the democracy of porn”. Today, the face of porn is no longer necessarily a blond busty beauty with big fake boobs; it might be a housewife in Ohio, or a privileged socialite, a big beautiful woman or a skinny young co-ed with a very hairy pussy, thanks to Homegrown Video’s impact on the world of porn.

Haiku for Homegrown Video

Thursday, September 22nd, 2011

Homegrown amateur

as kleenex is to tissue

great for orgasms

Homegrown has Vintage Amateur to Modern Day

 

Post coital bliss...

 

kendra loves to swing!

big boobs wet white shirt and your imagination

Ron Jeremy’s Bath continued…

Monday, September 19th, 2011

One of the first things you do learn about renting your place out for a film production is the money you make is like the money you make going to the local Indian Casino. Things might go very smoothly, you have a great time, and walk to the bank with an easy check to cash. Or the opposite. What felt like a win at the time you were having all the fun is actually a loss when you reconcile everything later after the fun and the booze wear off. You get a check but it will barely cover the expense of the carpet the grip lit on fire with the cigarette that he should not have been smoking, nor will it cover the long distance calls the distraught starlet made to her suitcase pimp boyfriend that is still back in Ohio taking care of his court dates, you won’t get reimbursed for the couch that was permanently stained by the toxic jizz the stud launched for a facial but missed because he was too busy trying to jack himself off and couldn’t see where he was spewing with his eyes closed to concentrate on getting off. Of course, I warned Ing and Spark of all of that, but risks be damned, they needed the money to make back rent before the landlords served them with an eviction.

So, if they were going to let porn be shot in their studio then they had to take their chances, including letting Ron “the hedge hog” himself burrow into their couch for one of his infamous power naps that most speculated was actually mild narcolepsy.

They had to be prepared for anything.

Ing had also worked herself in to do make up for the shoot too. That turned out to be the first sign that not everything was going to be going as smoothly as I had hoped. Ing ran into our studio. She looked distraught but seemed to be holding herself together well enough to ask a question.

“I don’t know what to do.” She asked.

“About what?” I replied as casually as possible to try and foster a sense of peace and tranquility.

“Make up.” Ing said. Strange, she worked for a cosmetics company and had done make up for mainstream feature films in LA so that was not really what I expected from her.

“What about it? Do you need supplies?” Supportive. Concerned. Helpful.

“No, I have everything I need.” She was fidgeting and nervous.

“What is the problem then?”

“They want me to put make up on her ass to cover up pimples – I have never done that – I didn’t expect to have to do that – I don’t know if I am comfortable with that – I don’t know what to do!” She looked like she was going to cry any second.

“Well…” I guess I didn’t really know what to say to that. Anything coming to mind was going to sound callused and un-sympathetic. Sex videos have naked people in them; that is just a fact, and naked people sometimes have pimply  asses that require make up to hide those unsightly blemishes. Just be glad you aren’t going to be the one picking up the anal condoms afterwards, honey… I was thinking…

Ron Jeremy’s Bath

Thursday, September 15th, 2011

Ron Jeremy is a porn legend. Even that people that have never watched a porn in their lives know who he is. I remember one day when we were done with a shoot for my pal Al Borda we all went to Denny’s to enjoy a post porn production meal. First one patron walked slowly by, trying to control the double take and look without looking.

Then another. And another… then in pairs.

Then people started not even bothering to try and appear nonchalant or unaware. In fact, they started coming right up to the table and talking to Ron as if they knew him and began asking for autographs. In fact, even the waitresses came up and asked for autographs, not only for themselves, but also for their co-workers back in the kitchen that couldn’t  come out.

That is when I knew beyond  the shadow of my pale white dick that Ron Jeremy is a boner-fide celebrity. And for what? Sure, he had a reputation for being “that guy in porn” with the mustache and the pot belly and the big head of kinky hair. The guy who seemed more likely to be one of the line chef in the Denny’s kitchen with the big grease smeared apron and the spatula flipping eggs for the morning rush.

Ron had an undeniable charisma in spite of the fact that he possesses a notorious reputation for being something of a slob. Lots of rumors swirled around about Ron; that he is insanely cheap and lived on the couch of a friend rather than keep rent on his own place; that he did that despite having tucked away millions from the fruits of his loin labors; that he is actually genius level intelligence but does porn just because he loves to fuck; and that he didn’t like taking baths which is why he supposedly smelled so nasty.

We were living in a loft downtown in Los Angeles. We had rented our space to a few pro and amateur porn outfits and if you were willing to have to sometimes pick up a used condom now and again and didn’t mind hiding your phone for a few hours, the money was easy. So, our neighbors, Spark and Ing wanted in on the action.

Money was tight for the artist designer Spark. He was an incredible artist but typically difficult to work with and Ing’s cosmetics job was not bringing in enough to cover the expenses either so renting the space out for a shoot seemed like a great idea. I had to warn them though. “Are you cool with people trying to use your phone to call their relatives back east?” “Do you mind having to clean up after the caterers turn your kithen upside down?” “Is it ok if your furniture gets moved around and not put back how you had it?”

Ing said she was fine with everything, but that was sort of surprising since she had been raised in an intensely conservative and deeply religious family and would blush looking at a bra ad advertising more support. Moreover, she had never even seen porn. Then I mentioned Ron. “Have you ever heard of Ron Jeremy?” Ing looked a bit terrified. “He will be there?” She asked. “Isn’t he  really dirty?”

I guess easy money always has hard considerations to make. “He isn’t bad, that is just part of his image – they call him the hedgehog. He is just a hairy guy but he is nice and polite and you will probably like him.”

Ing spent a few days thinking about it. During this time she went back and forth about yes or no or yes or maybe but finally I had to say, “The production company has to make a decision so yay or nay?”

Ing said yes, but under certain strict conditions.  Their place had to be left clean. Ok. She wanted to also make money doing the make up. Ok. And if she had any issues with Ron then the plug would be pulled. Ok.

“We have never had a problem at our place.” I told her.

(to be continued)