1. Tongue push ups. This is great for improving endurance and stamina during excessively long blow jobs, the kind of dick sucking marathon that really says “I love you” or “This must be steak and blowjob day”. Recline in such a way that you are able to balance a frozen banana on the tip of your tongue while humming “row your boat”. Hold the position for 10 minutes total with 15 seconds rest each minute making sure to massage your jaw during rest cycles

2. Anal Pilates. Lubricate your asshole generously then sit on a bottle of coca cola until you feel the stretch. Clench for thirty seconds while holding your breath then expel your breath from the diaphragm. Be careful not to inhale abruptly which may result in having to explain to ER why you have a coke bottle up your ass.

3. Ball Busters. Heavy duty hardcore fucking requires great stamina, concentration, and a measure of gonad patience to prevent prematurely busting a nut. Watch one hour of Homegrown Video amateur porn and masturbate but stop every time you approach orgasm until your balls are blue. Make sure to take at least two days of rest after each ball busting work out or risk serious injury. Consult with a doctor to make sure you are fit enough for this exercise.

4. Dick sprints. Some people have the opposite condition from Premature Ejaculation, namely, they cannot cum even after prolonged fucking and sucking. This can result in partners becoming possibly bored and potentially frustrated which is not conducive to mutual pleasure. For this we recommend dick sprints. Masturbate to Homegrown Video amateur homemade sex videos only start them five seconds before the cumshot and finish jerking off at the same time as the video sex scene.

5. Breaststroke. Not the swimming stroke but actually stroking the breasts. This is best performed with a partner to assist. No. Seriously. I mean it. He gets… I mean You Get a lot more out of it in the long run.

6. Cumshot shooter practice. This is a great exercise for developing your aim and is very meditative and good for your hardcore sexual encounters that result in facial cumshots. Many times, you absolutely do not want to come in your partners eye especially if you have repeatedly promised not to. Getting good aim when you are wildly busting your nut on someone’s face involves an inner concentration and zen-like state to transcend the “I don’t care where I spurt” lack of concern that sometimes prevails in weaker willed individuals.

7. Pussy Shadow Boxing. Using a dildo, penetrate your cunt and quickly punch, jab, and poke at your pussy while rolling your hips to dodge, lunge, and shift your position favorably, make sure to massage your clit if necessary to fight off fatigue.

8. Cock pull ups. Firmly grab your dick and pull up and push down on it until you ejaculate. Be careful to apply lubrication in order to avoid painful callouses.

9. Jumping Jack-offs. Jump up and down while masturbating to get a nice aerobic exercise that will also work out your sex organs.

10. Homegrown Video Marathon. Make a Homegrown Video amateur sex video and record at least four straight hours of sexual activity.

1. One women cumming
2. Two lovers fucking
3. A threesome for the evening
4. Four loads a spunkin’
5. Five fingers touching
6. Six screaming orgasms
7. Seven days a-fucking
8. Eight makes an orgy
9. Nine sixty nines
10. Ten toes a- curling
11. Eleven cream pies dripping
12. Twelve Homegrown Videos to watch!

Daphne is a Homegrown Video superstar

I think I might be developing multiple personality disorder. Did he just say what I think he said? Yes. Well I am not sure that we agree on that point. What makes you say that? Well listen to what he has to do when he is having sex with Lani. Oh. You mean like when she makes him fuck like Bush or Obama or Clinton? How can I keep track? YOU? WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF US? Like when we have to be Ellen licking Portia and Arnold bending Maria over for anal (omfg!) and Tom Cruise fucking Katie Holmes… that is not so weird. C’mon, everyone fantasizes about what it would be like to be a celebrity, but more importantly, everyone wonders what having the sex life of a celebrity would be all about. I know but isn’t he like a retired porn star or something or the owner of Homegrown Video? Doesn’t that count for something? Yes. It accounts for his weirdness but it is still not weirder than the idea of Cruise fucking Holmes now then is it… We have a point there.

Yes I do.

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Lani is always a red hot ball of surprises. Who can forget the time she jumped out from under the covers with a sock puppet on her hand and said “Let’s have a threesome!”? Or, what about that time when she started making monkey noises, or meowed like a cat, or barked like a dog, or any of the other freaky personas she is sometimes apt to take on in a bold and tireless effort to keep our sex life interesting. Sure, I do admit it is great, everyone should have it so good, yeah boy, and all that jazz but you try coming to bed and having someone jump out from behind a door with a Friday the Thirteenth Jason the killer hockey mask on grunting at you and see how you feel.

Well?

In any event, good or bad, I have to admit that I was kind of excited the other day when she was pretending to be Sarah Palin. I was really getting into it. Something about that hockey mom, naughty librarian, with a gleam in her eye usually associated with a big breasted Disney cartoon heroine was really bringing out the GOP in me, and by GOP I mean “Get Off Pounding”. I was harder than a republican on illegal immigration. I was about to make a campaign contribution tax free right into her tight on the issues pussy. But then she had to go and ruin it. Lani started cheering me on, “Fuck me McCain, FUCK ME!”

Well?

What the fuck do you think happened? The image of that geezer’s shriveled up old dick just about caused me to have a stroke. I had trouble focusing on the issues. The economy of the moment just about tanked. I needed a bailout quick. I just about pulled out of the race. But no, I had to continue in spite of the polls, excuse me, pole, which was in danger of slumping in defeat. I worked up my last bit of support and blasted her good.

Well?

 No one can say I didn’t pick a good running mate.