1. Prunusphilia, a strange desire to copulate incited by smelling the breath of someone that burps after drinking Dr. Pepper.
2. Mommamalia, the urge to use human breast milk as a lubricant for sexual intercourse with a woman’s breasts
3. Eroticondria, eroticondriacs must maintain being highly aroused in the belief that sexual willingness will prevent them from getting sick
4. Acerophilia, a profound sexual appetite for maple trees, inspired the phrase “go fuck a tree”; remaining Toronto Maple Leaf fans tend to be closet acerphiliacs
5. Spandexaholic, an insatiable desire to watch women in spandex doing work out routines until one can see a discernable sweat spot in the crotch region
6. Ecovagilarianism, a commitment to only eating foods that resemble “a hairy pussy” such as slice of cake with chocolate sprinkles or coconut flakes or a wedge of quiche lorraine
7. Canusilia, when one cannot help but howl like a dog after sexual consummation through intercourse in the so-called “doggy position” and bay at the moon until the sun comes up, thought by scholars to be the origin of the werewolf myth
8. Ambrosiadyxliosis, where one becomes uncontrollably aroused when confronted with a bowl of ambrosia pudding and wishes to perform sexual intercourse with the dessert
9. Rabinnophilia, an intense attraction to the beards of Orthodox Jewish Rabbis which is sometimes characterized by a condition related to Tourette’s Syndrome where a person will suddenly and involuntarily speak obscenely in Yiddish
10. Maxohomegrownvideoitis, where a person suddenly needs to watch every single video from the original amateur porn company, Homegrown Video

10. In the wild, real breasts are easy to differentiate from fake boobs by squeezing them with a gentle but firm cupped hand, the fake breasts will emit a “honking” sound that will attract mallard ducks.

9. Real breasts will vibrate sensuously when you apply your lips and deliver a “bromski” into the ample cleavage while fake boobs will reverberate in a frequency that is likely to cause headaches.

8. In a crowded bar or similar environment yell “strippers suck” and every women that steps forward to kick your ass has a high probability of having fake boobs.

7. With your erect penis, drum lightly on a woman’s breast and if you see a slight rippling wave akin to jello shaken in a bowl then you have encountered actual authentic boobage; whereas, the fake boobs can feel like you are cracking your dick against a brick wall. Remember the part that says drum “lightly”.

6. If you look carefully, fake breasts have a small line of text that reads “in case of emergency, can be used as a flotation device” and real breasts don’t

5. Heat will cause fake breasts to rise but it will cause real boobs to fall.

4. Try blowing air into the left nipple and if the breasts increase in size then you know they are fake.

3. When a woman is riding “cowgirl” style while you have sex and things get really wild, she is bucking and grinding and rocking your world, but then her boobs fall off then you can be certain that they are fake.

2. If you hear a slight hissing sound after nibbling on your lover’s breast then apply a light solution of soapy water and if you see bubbles then you know you have sprung a leak in the fake boob.

1. If you are watching Homegrown Video’s “Big Breast Amateurs” then you can be sure those titties are 100% homegrown all natural organic boobies.

Did anyone else out there catch when McCain was asked about Sarah Palin’s qualifications for Vice President? He answered “Sarah Palin is the breast, errrr, best person for the job…” I started laughing hysterically and couldn’t stop until I remembered McCain’s defending the violent, so far right they make fascists seem liberal, supporters that keep shouting for Obama to die.  If only the job of the Vice President actually had to do with vices like cigarette smoking, late night snacking, and anal sex then I guess I would not be so worried but since that is not the case I guess there is some cause for alarm. People need to realize how much danger this country is in of becoming a fanatical theocracy akin to some of the governments, typified as regimes, which we know and love to hate.

Guess what happens to us folks in the adult entertainment business when that happens? Well if Nazi Germany is any sort of historical example, the sexually liberated become the condemned. The first ones imprisoned and killed there before the genocide of the jews, gypsies, and others were the so called deviants like the gays and the porn producers. There have already been attempts by those in the Justice Department of the Bush Administration to equate porn producers with terrorists; Attorney General Gonzales apparently thought that funding fights against porn was every bit as important if not more so than putting priorities on fighting terrorism as his firings of those that would not support a “war” on porn has proven.

But look at McCain’s Freudian slip, obviously he had titties on the brain, specifically Sarah Palin’s nice big juicy milf round rack, and while I applaud his mind being on those bouncing boobies I fear that he would not know what to do with them in the first place. And in my mind, a leader of the free world had best know what to do with a nice rack, and I don’t mean a gun rack either.

This is one of the latest series from Homegrown Video; featuring sweet looking amateurs that have nice big natural tits, a series devoted to buxom beauties is long overdue. Homegrown Video has always prided itself on listening to exactly what the fans want which has been the inspiration for series like “Natural Bush”, and “Housewives Unleashed” as well as “Cream Pie”. “Big Breast Amateurs” is certainly no exception. Homegrown President Tim Lake admits, “I can’t believe we took this long to do a series based on hot amateurs with nice big natural boobies but I guess there is a time and a place for everything. And big bouncing boobs are good any time all the time.” 

10. Big boobs are great for adjusting eye focus in order to ensure proper eye contact when communicating meaningfully
9. Suckling big boobs provides immeasurable stress relief
8. The bounce of big boobs is helpful in studying the physics of wave forms
7. Big boobs are known to improve performance in a variety of sports such as baseball, football, and hockey
6. Big boobs are very useful in the control of traffic in car congested cities
5. Big boobs not only seem effective at relieving the effects of aging but also can be used to measure the onset of mid-life crisis
4. Big boobs can act as a buoyancy aid in case of an emergency at sea
3. Beer simply tastes better with big boobs
2. Massaging big boobs increases circulation to the groin area which can greatly enhance coital interactions
1. Without big boobs there would be no bromskis!