The next time will be different. After all, one should always learn from their mistakes… Even if that means learning to make new mistakes.

Here is where we find our super-earnest sexually eager couple trying to make some homemade sex tapes; the first try was fun. A blast. A facial cum shot shy of being perfect. It was a ripe wet tomato on the vine of good ol’ fashioned free spirited sex play but plucked a moment too soon only to miss the staple fruit of porn‘s cornucopia, the money shot.

It happens.

You got so caught up the moment. He pulled out of your wet mouth, your pouting lips were puffy from such a long blow job that your jaw damn near locked in a cramp that would have meant being on a liquid diet sucked through a straw for a month or two. You rubbed his hard cock and tickled his balls until he blasted forth a load of hot cum with such force that your hair blew back and your cheeks rippled. Lucky you didn’t get it in the eyeball otherwise you would be running around with an eye patch like a pirate aboard the good ship “Woes of the Ho’s” singing shanties like “Pull the dick about lubber” and “Heave the boobs ashore”

So back to the board, in this case, the bed board. Trying to get it right is half the fun. Should the camera go here to see how you suck my cock? If you hold the camera and lean back then you can get a great closeup of your dick while you’re fucking me. Put it on the tripod for a while so we can just get wild! Practice, practice, practice. And the effort is paying off, already you can now play back the footage and watch it for the sheer horny pleasure of it all. (hell yes, people could jack off to us!) You don’t feel so critical of where the action is in the frame, or how good the lighting is, or how the make up holds up when the ass fucking starts to get sweaty. This is looking good!

No.

This is looking great! The best amateur porn ever shot on the face of the Earth, this is the ticket to a future of fun and frolic and a million days of orgasmic bliss in the great comfort of well paid financial stability and it has just been stamped “one-way” to a stop called “Success”. Now the locomotive of lust is in motion, pulling a heavy freight of burden best weighed well in advance of leaving the station. What if the video is bought up and published… to dvd… well there are tons of dvds out there… to internet… more porn sites than even imaginable, an ever expanding universe of choices… to television and cable… millions of homes but who watches porn on tv these days? So how could anyone possibly see it? Like our family – no way in hell that Grandma is ever going to find out about this. She can barely even send and email so how can she ever find out? Dad, well he still thinks Playboy is porn so why would he see it on TV? No.The only people that stand a chance of seeing your amateur porn movie are people that are into watching amateur porn. Kindred spirits. And they are not going to have a problem with it…

To whom it may concern:

I’m interested in receiving your catalog of Amateur! Women and Amateur Horny Housewife’s; also Cougars helping themselves to young inexperience man who would like to improve their skills as a lover, who just had their heart broken, learning from women whose age range from 35 – 60 years old, Looks and builds should be average, real tits when available, and are dressed showing their assets, black high heels, sexy negligees etc.

They may start the scene dressed conservatively.

Would like some dialog as they talk about some of their needs and desires with sex and their partner’s. (uncut scenes).

Also amateur couples of the same age group who swap wives and have open minded neighbors who share their life style ennjoy each others company and may swings and orgies also uncut movie.

Woman & men who would do a little extra to get a job or position, same age group.

Yours truly,

Patrick T.

1.       If the cat or the dog walks across the bed and tells everyone that it is ready for its close-up then you know it is a real amateur sex video

2.       Real amateur sex videos last longer than 12 ½ minutes with the couple changing positions every two minutes

3.       When the participants actually look like they are having fun then you know it is really an amateur sex video

4.       If the woman looks like her makeup artist won an Academy Award then you can figure that the starlet probably isn’t in an amateur sex video

5.        Most amateur sex videos include a minimum of five minutes of exclusive footage of the floor before the camera is re-adjusted to capture the action again

6.       The women in amateur sex videos don’t scream “I’m coming, oh God, I’m coming” before actually having been touched

7.       The director, the producer, the actor, the cameraman, and the lighting guy are all one and the same person in a real amateur sex video

8.       When the couple accidentally call each other by their real names then try to switch back to using the fake names without anyone noticing then it is probably a real amateur sex video

9.       When the action stops abruptly in order for the participants to crack a cold beer and smoke a cig then you can feel fairly confident that it is a true amateur sex video

10.   If the box cover says “Homegrown Video” then you know you have found the world’s longest running series devoted to real amateur sex videos!