You could tell by their smiles that the joke wore off as soon as they realized these guys with their gold chains sitting back chain smoking cigarettes and putting their cowboy boots up on the chairs draped with hussies dressed so slutty on any other night at Bally’s they would be tossed out for being too obviously hookers were not actually joking. They were serious. Seriously fucked up.  You could see the wheels in motion behind the waitresses’ thoughts like those wheels were tires on fire about to be tossed as a fiery necklace over some rude pornographer’s head. Who in the hell did they think they were? Did they just ASSUME – which is to say just because I have an ASS that YOU and ME can hook up and make some PORNO fucking MOVIE. No fucking way. I am not doing that and that means you can wait for your fucking drinks too!

“Never piss off the hired help. “ I told Tad who was better known around the industry as Sunset Thomas’ suitcase pimp. Who could blame him for asking though? This was a guy who noticed a cute but sort of plain Jane girl with mousy hair working a check out at a local grocery and asked her the same question…”wanna do some porn?”, and not only did she say yes but she went on with the help of some peroxide and a good haircut and a boob job to become Sunset Thomas – one of the top starlets in the porn scene. That is, after making a bunch of amateur porn videos with us. Sunset didn’t seem to be paying any attention and luckily the bar maids had taken a liking to her so we were still going to be getting served.

Sunset declared that she was going to go watch some tv and get some sleep. (That’s right… porn stars can be just as boring as regular folks, sometimes more so.) No one could say that Sunset and Tad didn’t have a crazy sex life even when the cameras stopped rolling but let’s be realistic. Even the most horny folks need a break now and then to recharge the dildo batteries. Tad and I said “goodnight” and as Sunset walked out I noticed how many pairs of half lidded eyes followed her. Tad waited about five minutes then he got up and declared “I am going to scout some talent – there are tons of girls here that want to shoot – we need to get some scenes shot”. I wasn’t about to budge. The chilly margaritas had just landed and I was determined to make sure that I drank enough of them to avoid the scurvy. “Good luck” I told him, “let me know if you need help shooting if you find anyone.”

Tad didn’t answer. He was already on the prowl.

Penetration, what’s penetration?

In the movie “Orgazmo” Trey Parker plays an earnest Mormon, Joe, who accidentally becomes a star in a porn video and when suddenly confronted with the reality of the director asking for the “penetration” sequence to begin,  Joe, horrified, asks “Penetration? What’s penetration? Who’s going to be penetrated?”  The Director looks flabbergasted and the actress played by real life porn star Julie Ashton explains, a bit exasperated herself, “That is when the penis enters the orifice Joe”.  However, the real answer to that question is buried years ago in a suite somewhere in the Bally’s hotel.

Becoming owner of Homegrown Video meant a few things during those first years when we started running the company. One was that now we had a real purpose behind going to the adult trade shows. Another was working with some of my good ol’ LA porn star friends that I used to make amateur xxx with back in the day when I was still sending in my own amateur porn to places like Homegrown Video. Now combine those two things and you get the recipe for something really crazy… fun… sexual… and possibly even a bit dangerously combustible.

The band at the bar was typical Vegas cheese – a cover band playing disco pop that seemed a perfect complement to all the porn stars, producers, directors, and uber-fans that were crowding out the seats and scaring away most of the regulars with discussions of anal gang bangs and whether or not gagging, sputtering, deep throat cock sucking in videos would bring Johnny Law down on the adult industry with a furious vengeance. The scantily clad waitresses with their cleavage jiggling in seductively revealing scanty dresses that pushed their boobs up in a way that was guaranteed to get guys buying more drinks and paying bigger tips were already getting tired of being hit on with the come on line of the century “How would you like to be in a porno?”

(to be continued…)