Ron Jeremy is a porn legend. Even that people that have never watched a porn in their lives know who he is. I remember one day when we were done with a shoot for my pal Al Borda we all went to Denny’s to enjoy a post porn production meal. First one patron walked slowly by, trying to control the double take and look without looking.
Then another. And another… then in pairs.
Then people started not even bothering to try and appear nonchalant or unaware. In fact, they started coming right up to the table and talking to Ron as if they knew him and began asking for autographs. In fact, even the waitresses came up and asked for autographs, not only for themselves, but also for their co-workers back in the kitchen that couldn’t come out.
That is when I knew beyond the shadow of my pale white dick that Ron Jeremy is a boner-fide celebrity. And for what? Sure, he had a reputation for being “that guy in porn” with the mustache and the pot belly and the big head of kinky hair. The guy who seemed more likely to be one of the line chef in the Denny’s kitchen with the big grease smeared apron and the spatula flipping eggs for the morning rush.
Ron had an undeniable charisma in spite of the fact that he possesses a notorious reputation for being something of a slob. Lots of rumors swirled around about Ron; that he is insanely cheap and lived on the couch of a friend rather than keep rent on his own place; that he did that despite having tucked away millions from the fruits of his loin labors; that he is actually genius level intelligence but does porn just because he loves to fuck; and that he didn’t like taking baths which is why he supposedly smelled so nasty.
We were living in a loft downtown in Los Angeles. We had rented our space to a few pro and amateur porn outfits and if you were willing to have to sometimes pick up a used condom now and again and didn’t mind hiding your phone for a few hours, the money was easy. So, our neighbors, Spark and Ing wanted in on the action.
Money was tight for the artist designer Spark. He was an incredible artist but typically difficult to work with and Ing’s cosmetics job was not bringing in enough to cover the expenses either so renting the space out for a shoot seemed like a great idea. I had to warn them though. “Are you cool with people trying to use your phone to call their relatives back east?” “Do you mind having to clean up after the caterers turn your kithen upside down?” “Is it ok if your furniture gets moved around and not put back how you had it?”
Ing said she was fine with everything, but that was sort of surprising since she had been raised in an intensely conservative and deeply religious family and would blush looking at a bra ad advertising more support. Moreover, she had never even seen porn. Then I mentioned Ron. “Have you ever heard of Ron Jeremy?” Ing looked a bit terrified. “He will be there?” She asked. “Isn’t he really dirty?”
I guess easy money always has hard considerations to make. “He isn’t bad, that is just part of his image – they call him the hedgehog. He is just a hairy guy but he is nice and polite and you will probably like him.”
Ing spent a few days thinking about it. During this time she went back and forth about yes or no or yes or maybe but finally I had to say, “The production company has to make a decision so yay or nay?”
Ing said yes, but under certain strict conditions. Their place had to be left clean. Ok. She wanted to also make money doing the make up. Ok. And if she had any issues with Ron then the plug would be pulled. Ok.
“We have never had a problem at our place.” I told her.
(to be continued)
