The phrase “flying anal” refers to an award nominated sex scene in the Homegrown Video release “Sex For Life”. In the scene, Tim Lake performs an anal sex scene with starlet Jeanna Fine. Flying Anal refers to a point in the action when it appears that Lake is actually levitating and hovering above Ms. Fine’s ass connected only by his erect penis as it penetrates her butt hole enthusiastically.

Not many are willing to attempt such a physically demanding and acrobatically challenging sexual feat, which is described in the Kama Sutra as the “Crane hoisting the Elephant by the Tail Hair of the Ass” position and is recommended only for Yogi’s with supreme mastery of their physical being and an intense focus of their lifeforce energies. Several notable erotic artistes have attempted the Flying Anal but most have failed, sometimes in tragic circumstances. It is rumored that Houdini actually died from attempting the position with a notorious Parisian prostitute named Janelle D’Longpret but that the incident was concealed to preserve his dignity and direct the attentions of detectives away from the matter before it scandalized society.

Caution is advised for anyone trying to attempt the feat without proper training, diet, and the will to do perilous things for orgasmic fulfillment and satisfaction.

bronski!

Ron Jeremy had been in the bath for a while. Since that was the location of the one and only restroom in Spark and Ing’s loft, that meant that our bathroom was now the main spot for the cast and crew to use, making waste, doing drugs, and having hissy fits. There was only so much one could do about it. The more pressing concern was still making sure that wherever the anal sex was being recorded that some measure of precautions were being taken to avoid leftover bio-waste. The place could have burned down as far as I was concerned as long as I could still use my couch without fear of finding a spent condom that had recently been stuffed up some starlet’s eager to get paid butthole.

Ron must have had some serious work to do in the bath. The only being I think that could spend more time in a  tub would have to have been part mermaid.

But Ron is a professional, so when the time came to shoot his part, no pun intended, he was out and ready to roll. Indeed, the strange thing was he still pretty much looked the same and smelled the same. In all honesty I doubt many would have realized that he just spent a couple hours preening and cleaning in a tub which proves that you can take the porn star out of the dirt but you can’t take the dirty out of the porn star.

Ing had been more than patient. Actually, she seemed as though she had taken a couple of xanax or something similar. She had the sort of emotionless patience that someone generally has to be on heavy medication to achieve without the benefit of a Guru. She had made it past the Landlords coming by to ask us to keep it down outside the lofts; porn stars had been commiserating over cigarettes, chatting about partying, anal fucking and cum bubbles, sex with agents, sex with trannies, sex, sex, sex, who has good wood and who doesn’t, and all manner of stuff ordinary folks aren’t accustomed to hearing right outside their trendy LA loft apartments.

Hold on, I guess that is pretty normal in San Fernando.

The time Ron Jeremy spent in the bath seemed to Ing like hours. She was becoming frantic. She couldn’t figure out what was taking so long and it was wearing her down just thinking about it. She looked like she had reached that point beyond where the last tear of worry has been shed and all that is left is a cold, expressionless shock that drained her face of color and froze every trace of emotion.

The Vivid shoot in the meantime was going on swimmingly. Scene after sex scene was wrapped and “in the can”. All the non contract stars would be performing the anal sex while the Vivid contract starlets didn’t have to put their asses on the line, so to speak, but assholes were being properly fucked and that what was selling so that is what had t be shot. The top studs in the industry were delivering the goods, wood lasting through all the camera and lighting changes and the starlets sagging interest when the camera was off.

At the end of a day of shooting multiple anal sex scenes, as one can certainly unfortunately surmise, there is a lingering stench of butt and sweat and cum. To director Paul Thomas, that smell was the smell of victory, the sweet and sour scent of a hard day at the orifice.

A long day, just one more scene to shoot. Someone would have to get Ron out of Ing’s bathroom.

Was that a squirrel?!

Being in the porn biz – especially amateur porn – as long as I had been, well, you see things. Crazy things. Sexy stuff, of course, but sometimes things that just pretty much leave you speechless like you just got caught masturbating in a gym locker after the girls soccer practice. I was interviewing Terry the housewife from Salt Lake City Utah and she was telling me all the wild stuff that she liked to do. She loves anal. She loves DP.

She loves giving gummers.

I know I had hesitated not really understanding quite what she meant by that but trying to figure it out before I looked like a moron when she dropped her dentures out and  it became all too obvious. Well, never let it be said that I don’t have a taste for adventure and like as Hunter S. Thompson once said, “When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.” So I said, “Ok” and away we headed to shoot a homemade sex tape at my house.

Terry started by playing with a toy. Her pleasingly plump and curvaceous body was nice; I imagine in her 20′s that she was probably very much the “girl next door type” but age and experience and a few kids transformed her into the “milf next door” .

I watched and kept the camera rolling while she played with her sex toys until she beckoned me to join her. I was anxious to experience the gummer and my dick was hard and standing firm giving the “Ok, let’s do this” salute. She proceeded to suck and tongue my dick with enthusiasm and at the perfect moment she very seamlessly and almost invisibly pulled the dentures out in a swift motion that looked like she was merely wiping the slobber from her mouth left by the wet bj. But when her mouth went back to my cock…

Oh my freaking fucking ding dang ding-a-ling dong!

That shit felt AMAZING! It was kind of like a tickling sensation but so smooth and surreal because if there had been teeth it would have been “toothy” and miserable but with just gums there was nothing unpleasant about it at all. I was going to cum way too fast but she eased back. A moment later, she just as quickly popped her teeth back in and invited me to fuck her in her big round butt.

Kind of makes me look forward to being in the old folks home now to tell you the truth…

Check the video out at Homegrown – “Terry and Don” in “Bedroom Windows #53″!

Nice couch... I mean ass!

Sex on a brown couch

you couldn’t give it away

not with that cum stain…

Have you lived in this world long enough to wish you had amateur sex videos as keepsakes of various ex-girlfriends? You have to have been around long enough to actually forget all the stuff that resulted in her being your exgf and you have to have held on with a special glimmer in your mind’s eye to those special moments that were worth remembering. You know – like that time when your exgf added rimming your asshole to her blowjob repertoire one crazy martini soaked evening when inhibitions peeled away with her lacy lingerie and left you both open to walking naked on the wild side.

I remember when I was a sophomore in college there was an older girl in the senior class I dated briefly. Some footage from that relationship would make great exgf video porn. The so-called relationship which was essentially being an on-call boy toy booty call which could easily be avoided by day was all about crazy sex. By crazy, I mean partly by my standards at the time, because I was still pretty new and innocent at the time, having only been with about two other girls previously. But even by my aged, wizened, demented, twisted, debauched, lecherousness of my current standards it was still sort of wild.

She was from Germany and she had a sweet hairy pussy, very athletic, with perky boobs, and an ass you could beat on and signal a war party with. She used to like to kick the shit out of me. She liked to wrestle for foreplay, WWE style, drop kicks, elbow smashes, sleeper holds, the works. By the time she was smacking my face and our clothes were essentially torn to sweaty shreds, then she was ready for cock and wanted to be fucked hard. I was still innocently struggling with the idea of “love-making” and hadn’t quite figured out the thing called “fucking”. I was a deer in the headlights. I couldn’t figure out why she wanted me to toss her around and if I showed any sort of passive reluctance then that only provoked her to do things like try to punch me in the nuts.

Now I get it. It was kinky. It was wild. It meant playing a part in something and taking the fantasy to a place where it could be enjoyed as reality. If we had only made some amateur porn then I could’ve used it like a training video, a replay of the game, to go over with a coach and see where I went right or wrong in each and every exgf movie.

Oh well, at least I have Homegrown Video now to help in matters like this.

Daphne, Homegrown Video

Some folks just absolutely ooze with Homegrown Video’s truest spirit, the unbridled sexuality that pumps life into those homemade sex tapes. For example, when the time came to represent, to stand up, to deliver the goods, Daphne would always go the extra mile to make good great. Whenever she and I shot some amateur porn taking turns running the camera, shooting photos, and that sort of thing, if she became turned on by the action then off would come the clothes and Daphne would be wanting to jump into the middle, usually pulling me by the Johnson to join in the fun.
Once, while I was finishing up shooting a live show from our San Diego studio, Daphne disappeared briefly. I was a little miffed that she was leaving me to deal with everything. You can only imagine what the aftermath of several hours of live sex looks like. Sweaty sheets pulled out of place with a tangle of spent condoms slithering around oozing cum like runny noses drip. There is wet underwear and stinky shoes. The swampy sweet fog of greasy lust permeates and clouds the senses. Don’t get me wrong.
I love it. But….
I just don’t like being the one that has to clean it up. So I called for her. No answer. Where the hell did she take off to? Things were put back in order. The sheets changed, the condoms gingerly coaxed into waste buckets. I was sitting on the bed pausing to enjoy a moment of peace and cleanliness when Daphne stepped in. She had changed into a sexy red gown and put her hair up. She crawled up on the bed and lifted the dress to show off her gorgeous ripe pear of an ass. She looked back at me mischievously. “I want you to fuck my ass” she begged.
I turned back on the live feed. The show would definitely go on.

Stephanie Swift was not returning the calls. I gave up. We would have to find someone else to sign at our booth in Las Vegas at the AVN show. Worse, I know I sounded like a frigging didn’t know  he’d been dumped yet high school boyfriend that hadn’t taken the hint yet when I left the messages basically pleading with her to return my calls on the promise, made weak with such hesitation and uncertainty, that it would hopefully, maybe, possibly be worth her while. Time was running out. We would just have to try and find someone else that would stand there and look hot and keep a smile through grueling hours of slobbering guys paying her greasy compliments all day long. In addition, I had other concerns to deal with because our genius graffiti artist hired to spray our booth had not come in yet to discuss the artwork and he was becoming just as hard to get a call back from. I am not sure if that is a compliment to porn stars or a critique of artists but either way I was going nuts and was ready to throw the artist into an anal gang bang scene or spray the flaky porn girls with a can of rust-O-leum.

Finally the artist came by the office to discuss the booth. I told him we wanted it to tell a story about the evolution of Homegrown Video, how we started as a purely amateur porn company but blossomed into something completely unique and how far we were looking into the future as we grew and matured as an adult entertainment company. He nodded but when he nodded he seemed close to nodding out since I think he had worked perhaps one too many late nights with a can of paint spraying out mind altering vapors of toluene without the protection of a gas mask. This may have had some benefit to  the creative side of the process but nailing down some sort of  business arrangement was becoming increasingly complex; I might as well have been dropping acid and trying to take the police entrance exam.

I couldn’t be sure that he actually understood that we needed the work done by a specific deadline in order to send the booth to Vegas in order to be set up in time. I couldn’t even tell if he had actually started work on it. He asked if I could provide some reference material to help inspire the female figures that he wanted to paint. Well, in an amateur porn company that certainly was not  going to be a problem. Why it took so long to get to that point, dude wants a porn handout, fine, not like I haven’t  heard that before, was a bit beyond me. I wasn’t about to sniff paint to figure it out though; I went to the rack full of all the porn mags that we had and grabbed a few for him to review. He showed me some pictures that he wanted to use and I said no problem, good luck, ok I will advance just a bit  more of the cash that was not due until completion, please, please, please  get this  done in time and sent him on his way. He tore out the images carefully and went on his ethereal, dopey way.

A few days later, the magazine was still on my desk.  I opened it up to see if we had any of our movies reviewed. Nothing. But there was something that certainly got my attention faster than a porn star faking her first orgasm. I turned the page and there was Stephanie Swift. Not only was she very clearly and prominently featured absolutely blatantly in a porn rag, but also she was engaged in an act that truly represents the very pinnacle of porn sluttiness. There was sweet and shy Stephanie Swift, who didn’t  want her boyfriend to know that she did anal or other guys and didn’t want her boyfriend’s parents to know that she did an amateur porn for Homegrown Video, pure and natural amateur Stephanie Swift in a gang bang video. Anal, oral, vaginal, the triple penetration crown of dirty nasty whorishness, massive multiple loads of spunk plastered on her face from a bunch of meat heads and mooks, even a line of guys bending over for her to lick each and every one of their assholes, including the hairiest and nastiest puckered sphincter of the king of smut himself Mr. Ron Jeremy, Stephanie was doing it all and with a sly smile on her face. Maybe she was just happy that she had a multi-video contract. Maybe she knew that once people saw her licking Ron Jeremy’s sweaty stank of pubic twirled and curled anus they would know that she was capable of going where not porn star had gone before.

Mr. Lake,

I saw “curvy amateur girls, volume 1″ yesterday and like most other adult movies I dound it to be very boring because there was no I-M-A-G-I-N-A-T-I-O-N in Homegrown’s starlets with this particular adult vid! For example, NO PROFANITY! Something like “fuck me like a dog”, “fuck me till I scream”, and then “fuck me for screaming!”

No ass licking. Have two middle age white woman licking a buck negroes black ass for about an hour and then they begs him to them up and he takes turns fucking both of their pussy and their white ass. When he gets off then those sluts begs him to whip their butts with his belt until their asses is black and blue.

I also would love to see those 2 white sluts take turns finger fucking his black ass and then they stick their fingers in each others mouth!

Get the idea mr. Lake?!

Ed. Note: I get it. More colorful. More perverted. But I don’t want any liability from overly excessive butt licking…

My crazy girlfriend Lani Brooke loves to surprise me with unusual sex games like when she said “let’s have a threesome” and the third one turned out to be her sock puppet. Then there is the time she started calling out various names of past and present Presidents and telling me that I had to fuck like them… (imagine trying to conjur up how Bush Sr. or Gerald Ford would lay some fuck down and you can guess how tough that would be; although when she called out Clinton I knew right away just how pervy I could get)

Well, today she calls me to the chamber of love and when she comes up from under the covers – her usual surprise attack which I know now to be quite wary of – she came out with a little fake mustache on and told me to fuck her new alter ego “Larry”!

I could have froze up. I could have questioned my sexuality. I could have been an angry homophobe and been totally turned off. But I didn’t. I watched Sean Penn’s brilliant performance in “Milk” and if he could act like a gay man and win an Academy Award then I could use “the method” to pull of an equally award worthy performance.

I knew just what to do. I didn’t hesitate. I said, “I am going to get all Castro – Fire Island – Santa Monica Blvd on your sweet little ass baby!”

I grabbed the lube…

You can figure out the rest you dirty little whores!