Dear R,

Moffitt forwarded me your email and I have taken a look at the scene we have purchased and added to our website. On the positive side, the couple is very attractive which is of course always a good thing in this business. On the negative side, our members are very particular and very vocal and despite the good looks, our members reviewed the scene very poorly. This is not due to the lighting, sound, or camera-work which are all fine in my opinion.

The reason for the bad reviews, and I agree with our members on this, is that the couple really don’t seem into each other and seem to be “going through the motions” and looking more forward to the end of the scene than anything else. They constantly seem to be looking at the camera person with that “are we done yet” and “can we move on and get this over with” type of expression that comes from people that either don’t want to be there at all, or not performing with the other person. They are having sex, but they seem completely bored with each other and with being in an amateur sex video.

Our company, which started in 1982 is literally the first company on the planet to distribute homemade amateur sex videos. Part of the charm of what made the company so successful, despite not having super models with fake breasts and all the stuff found in pro-porn, was that the people sending  us their videos were genuinely having fun and having sex on a video was obviously a big turn on to them. This is the most important quality for us.

The only way to come close to getting this quality is to let the performers have fun sex. The cameraman/producer/director cannot interfere with action and has to make the performers feel as happy, and horny as possible so they can just let loose and enjoy themselves to the fullest. We don’t care if there is “three positions and a pop shot” like so many other companies expect. That starts to all look and feel the same and becomes plain uninteresting to porn fans like ours that have been there and done that.

Fun, uninhibited, real sex that flows naturally, without the performers trying to act like “porn stars” is what our members want and that is what we need. Viewers know and see the difference, and no matter how good looking the couple are, if they don’t look like they are enjoying themselves then our members will criticize us harshly. I know that your outfit is a respected content company but since you are a production company that means your goal is to get as many sales as possible and as many scenes as you can sell the better it is. Unfortunately, these results in an “assembly line” approach that means you lose a lot of the human interaction, true enjoyment, and sincere personality of the sexuality that is so important to us.

If we can overcome this one issue, then of course we will continue to do business. Thank you for taking the time to hear me out and your feedback is always welcome.

1. At Homegrown Video we work tirelessly to improve our lot in life and strive to deliver fantastic amateur porn to the masses for their enjoyment; our livelihood depends on their satisfaction!

2. Homegrown Video has never won an Xbiz award and at this point we have certainly earned our right to one as much as any one else

3. Homegrown Video is still the original amateur porn company so maybe some sort of lifetime achievement award is in order… nudge, nudge, wink, wink

4. Homegrown Video makes it possible for everyone to get their 15 minutes of fame by engaging in amateur sex videos

5. Homegrown Video has won AEBN viewers choice awards, AVN awards for best series and best amateur video, but has never even been nominated for an Xbiz award… what’s up with that?

6. Homegrown Video prides itself on enthusiastic customer service and fair trade in an industry that bears a stigma of many negative stereotypes so certainly there must be one place on this planet where the good guys can finish first for once…

7. Homegrown Video is to amateur porn as Kleenex is to tissue.

8. Homegrown Video catered to amateur niches like hairy bush and mature before anyone even considered that viewers might actually really enjoy seeing something besides just another big fake titty porn bimbo from Los Angeles’ porn valley going through the motions one more time.

9. For years, Homegrown Video has been the launch pad for amateurs to get into pro porn where they can become big fake titty bimbos and go through the motions in porn valley porn productions.

10. Homegrown Video deserves a Xbiz Award just because we need another reason to get out and party with our peers at an adult industry event!

In honor of the Holiday that keeps us eating and drinking and hopefully getting some wild sex to be thankful for, Homegrown Video has the following recommendations for making this coming Thanksgiving erotic and exotic.

1.       Time to bust out the baster and start squirting the breast meat to keep it moist

2.       Serve the bird butt down tits up and make sure everyone gets a piece before going back for sloppy seconds

3.       Stuff but never over-stuff

4.       Licking the spoon after whipping the cream is a must

5.       Relive the first Thanksgiving spirit by holding an orgy after the plates are cleared. (You can always record the football games to watch later)

6.       Play Poke-a-hot-ass

7.       Pumpkin pie but don’t pump kin’s furpie

8.       Make sure to give thanks for the booty…  I mean bounty

9.       Remember to thank those original Puritans for making sex dirty to this day

10.   Watching a Homegrown Video to finish off the festivities will aid digestion

Finally! The one request we hear the most from our fans, “when will you put the old titles out on dvd”, is getting answered. The Homegrown Erotic Amateur Project (HEAP) is underway. HEAP will take the mountain of original Homegrown Video titles and restore them to the best condition possible to distribute in DVD format and online at the www.homegrownvideo.com website and at www.homegrownstore.com .

All those fans of Deina in her heyday and Brandi in her anal ecstasy will revel in the glory days of amateur porn, way back when people just made homemade porn for the fun of it and not because they wanted to be the next Paris Hilton. Many of these titles have never been published online, only existing in the last millennium on that archaic medium called “videotape”. Rescuing these titles from oblivion and possible extinction has been deemed a matter of great historical and archeological significance. The pantheon of Homegrown titles record the enormous revolution of sexual style, social dynamics, and technological advances in erotic entertainment; to wit, preserving that resource for future generations is healthy for our nation and the empire of freedom.

Homegrown Video is the original amateur porn company, with a library that reaches all the way back to 1982 and spans the amateur porn niche to an unprecedented degree. Homegrown Video was declared by Newsweek Magazine to be “the longest running series in the history of porn.” Today, Homegrown Video distributes a wide variety of titles that cater to the amateur adult video niche in all its variety.

Being an artist, like Mark the graffiti artist who studied art at famous schools in Europe, then went into the world with a couple of cans of paint cans and a few nozzles, means starting with a head full of dreams and a belly full of bluster, then slowly starving until someone, anyone, recognizes your talent and stands ready to exploit it, willing to feed the urge and fuel the inspiration. Then, if luck and talent prevail, the rewards of that hard work are paid out. You earn the right to flake. Just like Mark, whose spray painted walls full of outlandish extraterrestrials and gorgeous nymphs and psychedelic landscapes kept him busy enough that he never had to worry about where the next job was coming or where the next deadline would end, Stephanie Swift had arrived.

I am not sure we want to set off a chain reaction revolution because that sounds a little bit dangerous. However, I promise Homegrown Video will keep putting out quality amateur videos.

Like this one:

amateur fan letter to homegrown video

1.       Enhance foreplay by not using your stopwatch to announce when fucking should assume the starting position. 

2.       You can increase patience for performing foreplay by watching woman’s tennis competitions.

3.       Keep reminding yourself that foreplay is like golf, you have your good days, you have your bad days, but whacking the club, slinging some balls, and a freshly cut bushy lawn beat a day of work any way you slice it.

4.       Contrary to most skills on this planet, the better you are at erotic foreplay the less you have to do it.

5.       Never advance a claim that you are owed a reciprocal token of sensual foreplay or risk losing post foreplay action due to cases of tiredness and headaches.

6.       Consider that foreplay is like the pre-game show for the football game. You don’t really care what is said as long as you know the game is about to follow.

7.       Always begin sexy foreplay encounters by praying that you will suddenly, miraculously, amazingly will know exactly what you are doing and how to keep doing it.

8.       If you are going to give Peace a Chance then you might as well give foreplay a whirl.

9.       Studious attention to proper foreplay etiquette and proper conduct will develop a sturdy and dependable soul.

10.   Make and watch Homegrown Video amateur sex movies to enhance your foreplay!

“Where did you get that picture of me to work with?” Stephanie Swift asked me the question and I tried to come up with at least one of the excuses that I had been anxiously rehearsing in preparation for this moment. Unfortunately, everything that I thought I might say sort of twisted into a heap of umms and ahhhs when it tried to pass from my brain to my tongue and all I could say was, “Well, that is a great question.”

I thought about the artist, Mark. He was an amazing talent with a couple of crates of spray paint and a nozzle collection suited to conveying every nuance a brush stroke might be capable of rendering. He could get detail and texture and lines out of a can of spray paint, stunningly classic neo realism, a regular DaVinci of the pressurized paints. Everyone who knew his work which was in graffiti murals on buildings all over the world told me that I was lucky to get him to paint our trade show booth. They couldn’t believe he was actually doing a piece for, shame, shame, shame, an amateur porn company.

I remember trying to talk to him when he had been working, one part painting, another part smoking, another drinking beer, in the dense noxious fumes of his studio. He was sort of unintelligible. He peered from heavily lidded eyes that occasionally would widen. He seemed to look around at things that were only visible to him and everyone who has recently eaten a bucket of peyote washed down with a keg of suds. Whatever was there didn’t seem to readily present any danger to me but I couldn’t be certain. Who could know what type of demon might suddenly possess the guy and control his behavior, suddenly turning him into a slobbering, seething, raving mad Englishman.  I certainly didn’t feel lucky trying to get him to finish the painting by our deadline. Homegrown Video could definitely not show up at the biggest trade event of the year with a half painted booth. Unfortunately, all our conversations seemed sort of one sided since apparently so many years of using spray paint altered his brain to the point where conversation required an advanced degree of obscure dialects in the language of mumbling.

“Why did you paint Stephanie Swift?”

“Mmrrmwu? I wasn owngone erm doan  painsteswift.” It sounded sort of Gaelic but I thought he was saying that he didn’t know who Stephanie Swift was. No way to be sure which meant I had to be careful responding. I decided it was best to just talk as if I hadn’t actually completely finished what I had to say before.

“She is that porn star that was working with us but now isn’t and… How can you not know who she is when you painted her picture right there? She is not going to be in our booth at the show; she is going to be working for our competition… and we are going to look pretty frigging funny promoting her when she is not even going to be at our booth.”

“SurreyMeht.” Mark answered, and continued. “I cuddoerm mek… mumble, slur, babble…pay me more.”

That last part made too much sense.