Roughly about the same time when I was getting into the amateur sex video business, pop sensation Madonna had already freaked people out with her upskirt shot on TV as she rolled around singing “Like a Virgin” and she had already tried her best to freak out the Catholic Church with “Like a Prayer”, her book entitled “Sex” hit the dirty sleazy streets of LA. Even I bought a copy of it knowing that while I wasn’t much of a Madonna fan, being far too busy with my Grateful Dead affinities to invest in her Pop sensibilities, that book was destined to become a collectors item. Why not? Madonna doing high end porn with top models in a limited edition metal covered coffee table book, who wouldn’t want to be titillated by such a thing?

Never one to be vague or beat around her hairy bush as shown in her Penthouse pictorial, “Sex” contained photos that were provocative and titillating but it was sort of inspiring as well. Here was a major public celebrity, basically giving the big thumbs up to expressing herself as a sexual being. Liberating. But, like a slave finally being untied and allowed the gratification of masturbation on his Dom’s feet, it was a relief but not necessarily a rescue from future punishments. Finally, someone was willing to “go there” and (ahem) embrace sexuality as a creative inspiration without ruining it with lame apologies and insincere validations; I applauded her for not making it “Like a Sex Book” but really delivering the goods and showing off some crazy stuff. Cross dressing, peeing, lesbians (everyone loves lipstick lesbians right?) and with a menage-a-try-anything approach, she really stuffed that meaty stuff deep inside the corseted spiral bound covers. However, it was sort of so high concept, strictly staged, and tightly bound to being “artsy” that it essentially lost the down and dirty appeal of being actually sexually inspiring. In fact, it was anything but sexy in a way that would actually motivate a person to actually have sex. Like “voguing” it was all postures and no real play.

That is the same sort of disappointment I had watching her during the Superbowl halftime show. Clearly, there were not going to be any risky wardrobe malfunctions to spice up the night. No perky breasted cheerleaders cavorting in leather and lace cheerleader outfits simulating sex with dancers dressed as jocks in bare butt jockstraps shaking their booties. No kink, no pain, no pleasure, no gain of more yards in the great game of making sex ok in front of bazillions of viewers. Just because you wear the high heeled thigh high black leather boots doesn’t make you sexy enough to be Pussy in boots ready to get down and get off.

Shame. Back to square one. Negative yardage on the play.

Now that I think about it, I can’t find my copy of “Sex” either. Maybe that is lost too, just like Madonna’s sex appeal and willingness to be risque’.

1. Tongue push ups. This is great for improving endurance and stamina during excessively long blow jobs, the kind of dick sucking marathon that really says “I love you” or “This must be steak and blowjob day”. Recline in such a way that you are able to balance a frozen banana on the tip of your tongue while humming “row your boat”. Hold the position for 10 minutes total with 15 seconds rest each minute making sure to massage your jaw during rest cycles

2. Anal Pilates. Lubricate your asshole generously then sit on a bottle of coca cola until you feel the stretch. Clench for thirty seconds while holding your breath then expel your breath from the diaphragm. Be careful not to inhale abruptly which may result in having to explain to ER why you have a coke bottle up your ass.

3. Ball Busters. Heavy duty hardcore fucking requires great stamina, concentration, and a measure of gonad patience to prevent prematurely busting a nut. Watch one hour of Homegrown Video amateur porn and masturbate but stop every time you approach orgasm until your balls are blue. Make sure to take at least two days of rest after each ball busting work out or risk serious injury. Consult with a doctor to make sure you are fit enough for this exercise.

4. Dick sprints. Some people have the opposite condition from Premature Ejaculation, namely, they cannot cum even after prolonged fucking and sucking. This can result in partners becoming possibly bored and potentially frustrated which is not conducive to mutual pleasure. For this we recommend dick sprints. Masturbate to Homegrown Video amateur homemade sex videos only start them five seconds before the cumshot and finish jerking off at the same time as the video sex scene.

5. Breaststroke. Not the swimming stroke but actually stroking the breasts. This is best performed with a partner to assist. No. Seriously. I mean it. He gets… I mean You Get a lot more out of it in the long run.

6. Cumshot shooter practice. This is a great exercise for developing your aim and is very meditative and good for your hardcore sexual encounters that result in facial cumshots. Many times, you absolutely do not want to come in your partners eye especially if you have repeatedly promised not to. Getting good aim when you are wildly busting your nut on someone’s face involves an inner concentration and zen-like state to transcend the “I don’t care where I spurt” lack of concern that sometimes prevails in weaker willed individuals.

7. Pussy Shadow Boxing. Using a dildo, penetrate your cunt and quickly punch, jab, and poke at your pussy while rolling your hips to dodge, lunge, and shift your position favorably, make sure to massage your clit if necessary to fight off fatigue.

8. Cock pull ups. Firmly grab your dick and pull up and push down on it until you ejaculate. Be careful to apply lubrication in order to avoid painful callouses.

9. Jumping Jack-offs. Jump up and down while masturbating to get a nice aerobic exercise that will also work out your sex organs.

10. Homegrown Video Marathon. Make a Homegrown Video amateur sex video and record at least four straight hours of sexual activity.

Yes, those boobs are real

Mary Louise is one of my favorite Homegrown Video girls of all time. She didn’t make a lot of videos for us, only a couple, but she left an ever-lasting impression. She was a very hot housewife from San Diego although she moved from there in order to raise her kids. Still, I am pretty sure there are a few mouths still open from her draw dropping good looks. Mary Louise is the ultimate sexy house wife fantasy. She literally could be your next door neighbor and she does truly love being a sexual person and is not ashamed to admit it. Her husband loves her and doesn’t get freaked out that she sometimes liked to live life on the wild side. Bringing home girls from her job tending bar in Mission Beach, contacting Homegrown Video to make a home made sex tape, and things like that were cool with him.

We heard from her a few months back. Apparently she was ready to make some more home made porn but just wanted to make sure we wre still buying videos and all that. Life was going well but she needed to get some Ya-Ya’s out and we are the perfect way to do that… and make  some cash on the side. She was trying to get her husband on board, but he had become a bit more shy about doing one.

That is ok.

We are jealous just thinking about what she might be doing to him in order to convince him that it was time to make more amateur porn…

Reach out and touch someone!

If celebrities and socialites can boost their pr by doing amateur porn, then why can’t politicians do it too? We all know people love MILFS and who better than a couple of the best milf politicians to make an amateur sex tape for Homegrown Video than a hot lesbian milf scene featuring Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachman. Sure, we know that they both have professed a zealous hatred of porn and have vowed to ruin the industry if elected but, c’mon, we all know that means that in private they are huge fans and probably get off on the most twisted stuff that would completely terrify moderates. Of course, Homegrown wouldn’t be able to accept any videos of them pooping on Democrats and liberals – we would have to ask them to tone it down from that sort of thing. However, if they wanted to have a threesome where the two of them tag teamed a Dem while wearing strap on dildos would be ok. We are not party affiliated so one party’s butthole is the same as the other as far as we are concerned.

You can almost hear Sarah chanting “Drill baby, drill!” right?

Now I know what you are saying… Wouldn’t Michelle’s husband have to step in and “cure” his wife of her lesbian pussy licking tendencies if she was getting her freak on with Sarah? Well, yes, sure, that would require some discipline. He would have to whip their asses with a riding crop to punish them for being wicked little sluts and correct them by making them crawl around with a couple of clothespins stuck on their nipples while he smacked their cherry red tushies mercilessly. There is only one way to make America strong again!

Remember… A deficit of sex will undermine the confidence of people invested in making America sexy again!

1.       Watching hot lesbians have sex reduces the negative morale impact of penis envy but creates pussy envy

2.       Real lesbian sex can be a highly instructive tutorial that a guy never actually learns from

3.       Two horny women trumps one horny woman in most cases… except where neither of them want a dude around

4.        Girls make kissing girls seem so much easier than it is in real life for guys to kiss girls

5.       Lesbians never have to worry about their strap-on dildos going soft during sex

6.       Real lesbians have real orgasms… but never fall for the “I came so many times I lost count” line like guys all too often do

7.       Lesbians can have all the sex they want… but they don’t have to worry about getting pregnant

8.       Lesbian sex is often up to 90% foreplay to 10% sex which is ideal, but it is also a virtually impossible standard for a guy to live up to

9.       Real lesbians never have to worry about whether or not the orifice is too big or too small

10.   Guys love watching cute young lesbians in Homegrown Video’s “Sex Kittens” series but know they never have a chance of being in the video

Over the years, Homegrown Video has received scores of letters from fans that give us the sort of feedback that “keeps it real” for us. These letters are sometimes critical, other times complimentary, and oftentimes expressing certain desires to see one thing or another. In a lot of cases, there is a certain humorous quality to them and that is why I find those kind of fan letters to be worthy of sharing. I will make no effort to alter or edit the letters in any fashion and will try to transcribe them as closely as they are written, often in hand written form, with all the quirks and idiosyncrasies intact:

Dear Sir/Madam

I received your post card about a “free” introductory DVD

The truth is, I have all the amateur – boy/girl – girl/girl – shemale and whatever – DVDs that a man could want or ever need to have.

What I am interested in buying is DVDs of plump/fat lesbians!

1.       I would like to purchase DVDs of white or mostly white – plump and/or fat lesbians spanking each other

2.       I would like to purchase DVDs of white or mostly white – plum/fat lesbians in bondage and punishment situations!

If you have any DVDs in those categories, please send a list, a brief description, and of course, the cost.

If you do not carry these items, I guess you might as well remove my name from your mailing list since I will not be placing an order with you.

Thanking you in advance for any and all information you can supply, I remain

Sincerely

James F.